Push and Pull

Push and Pull speaks to my own addictive cycles, and the ways they continue to exist even after becoming sober. Craving wine at 9:00 a.m. Crying in front of a gas station because I’m convinced I’ll fail as an artist, believing alcohol will make me feel better. Falling back into the lies I’ve created to protect myself.

Addiction doesn’t always end when sobriety begins. Sometimes the cycle changes shape. Sometimes it lives in the thoughts, the fear, the shame, and the constant pull toward what once made everything feel easier.

This is a cycle I hope to break. But for now, it is the push and pull of my life.